I Shiver

by Sometimes the Cat

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about

I SHIVER.
or, "It Just Keeps Getting Colder."

This is an album about uncomfortable truths. When I finished my last album, Excelsior, I had just graduated high school. When I released Split Single, I had just moved out of my parents' house and started attending university. And now, as I set this set of songs out into the world, I have finished my second year of college and I am, in a lot of ways, quite different from when I started writing and recording these songs. Some of them reflect how I felt years ago, some of them ring as true as they did when I first put the words down, and some of them never had any basis in truth to begin with.

Regardless, whoever you are, I appreciate that you've taken to the time to come to this page and even listen to some of the songs, if you've chosen to do so. Your support means the world to me. If you have any thoughts, insights, criticisms, corrections, or anything else you want to say to me, you are welcome to contact me at april (at) wikipedia (dot) sexy. I don't bite, or at least not too much.

<3

April

credits

released June 15, 2017

SOMETIMES THE CAT:
April - vocals, electric & acoustic guitars, ukulele, bass guitar, drums, piano, toy piano, keyboards, melodica, banjo, etc.

WITH:
Josh - keyboard on "Everybody Else" and guitar on "Smokes & Cuts"
Luke - bass on "Vertical"

PEOPLE WHOSE INSTRUMENTS I STOLE:
Avery - electric guitar for the bridge of "Siberia"
Lily - synthesizer for "Busy Just Existing"
Noah - keyboard for "Smokes & Cuts"

SPECIAL THANKS:
Amber, Archer, Avery, Cayetana, Charlie, Cynthia, Daniel, David, DeAnndra, Ella, Ellen, Ethan, Haley, Jesse, Joey, Josh, Julian, Jyki, Kenny, Kelly, Lise, Lily, Lucas, Marcus, Naomi, Nick, Noah, Quinten, Seth, Skylar, Theo, Will, Winston, and Yush.

Words and music by April, Oct. 2011 - Apr. 2017, except:
"Smokes & Cuts" - post-chorus based on "Mood for a Day" by Yes
"Vertical" - title and inspiration from Lily
"Quietly, Quietly" - I quiver where I stand
"Comfort" - title from a Quasi song
"I am Going to Be Happy" - title and inspiration from Daniel

Produced and mixed by April, with assistance and feedback from Josh.
Artwork by Charlie.

GRR 035

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about

Sometimes the Cat Eugene, Oregon

Sometimes the cat does what she wishes, but sometimes she doesn't. Either way, Sometimes thinks you should live your love through everyone.

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Track Name: Two Fingers
I've got two fingers to my chin and my thumb outstretched
I'm staring into the face of death
Got two fingers to my temple and my thumb points to the sky
You know I make it seem like I want to die

But I'm going to be left
Once everyone has killed themselves and all my friends are dead
I'm going to be here
With nobody to talk to and nobody to hold dear
Nobody to hold dear, nobody to hold dear

In the egg whites of your eyes I see two things:
One is the pain you hide
And two's the reflection of my face
It's such a lovely day

And in the bedside table drawer, I know I shouldn't know about
Your solace in the bitter cold, a way in which to have control but
You won't let others know

I've got two fingers to my chin and my thumb outstretched
I'd love to get to know you better but I wouldn't want to leave you bereft
Got two fingers to my temple and my thumb points to the sky
But I don't plan anytime soon on not being alive

I'm going to survive
Even after everyone has killed themselves, after they've died
I'm going to go on
But every day I'll think about those who are gone
Those who are gone, those who are gone

In the egg whites of your eyes I saw two things:
One was the emptiness
And two was the cold caress of
It's such an ugly day

But you were dripping blood out of your eye sockets
You told me that it was fine and that you just needed to cry
So I went and got the Kleenex and I held you and I said it was alright
Track Name: Everybody Else
I'm so proud of you
There's so much that you've been through
And you're so darn good at the things you like to do
You're a special person
You deserve to feel good
I want to make sure that you know that you should

I'm always happy for everybody else
Sometimes I wish I could be happy for myself
I'm always happy for everybody else
Sometimes I wish I could be happy for myself
I'm always happy for everybody else
Sometimes I wish I could be happy for myself
I'm always happy for everybody else
Sometimes I wish I could be happy for myself

I love the things you create
Yes, I think they're pretty great!
And I want to tell you that as much as I can
Let's have a conversation
Let's talk about what you want
And I'll just sit here and listen, 'cause that's what I do

I'm always happy for everybody else
Sometimes I wish I could be happy for myself
I'm always happy for everybody else
Sometimes I wish I could be happy for myself
I'm always happy for everybody else
Sometimes I wish I could be happy for myself
I'm always happy for everybody else
Sometimes I wish I could be happy for myself

I'm always happy for everybody else
Sometimes I wish I could be happy for myself
I'm always happy for everybody else
Sometimes I wish I could be happy for myself
I'm always happy for everybody else
Sometimes I wish I could be happy for myself
I'm always happy for everybody else
Sometimes I wish I could be happy for myself
I'm always happy for everybody else
Sometimes I wish I could be happy for myself
I'm always happy for everybody else
Sometimes I wish I could be happy for myself
I'm always happy for everybody else
Sometimes I wish I could be happy for myself
I'm always happy for everybody else
Sometimes I wish I could be happy for myself
Track Name: Coral
I wouldn't bother, if I were you, to pump the water from my lungs, 'cause I don't want to live anymore
I'm so tired and I don't sleep and I'm consumed and there's a hole and these are all things I've said and sung before
Breathing, breathing, in and out, I feel the air inflate my chest and slowly, surely, seep straight out again
I feel like it's only time, I've come to terms with what's to pass, now it's just a matter of when

You're in the bathtub, water's rising, I'm afraid you're going to drown
My knees are curled against my frame, I lean and wish for a way out
I never say the right thing; why do you keep me around?

I wouldn't stress myself, if I were you, about the things that I will do, because you won't have to deal with me
I'm not perfect, no-one's perfect, even I can recognise that but perfection is what you want to see
All our problems come from the things you want from me that I don't know how to give, or maybe I just won't
You like to tell me that I don't see things the same way that you do, and I would say you're right—maybe I don't

I'm fucking crying, and you're lying on my bed and you don't care
Maybe I'm wrong but you're so distant, far away, and over there
I'm lost and stuck and feel so bad and wish I'd vanish in thin air

I am losing pieces of the person whom I want myself to be
There is no-one inside to meet the expectations you have for me
It feels like way too much and I am small and I can't hold it all
Track Name: Love to Burn
I'd love to burn, I'd like to set myself on fire
Light a match and wait until I'm ash
And then collect me into an urn and put me on your mantle
I complete your living room

Cross my fingers and pray to God
I really hope I haven't got
To sit tied up on this chair for long
Before I'm set ablaze

I'd love to melt, I'd like to drip myself down into water
I'd fill a cup and then be drunk
And when I stumble through your room at four o'clock this morning
Well, there's no parties in death

I have a sore throat and an aversion to people
(What d'ya have going for ya?)
I keep the blinds closed in the summer
Never was able to commit to things until, well, you know

Here's a little something I've been working on
I'm not too proud of imte, I can't say I'm too proud of imte
If I don't care then it won't hurt when you tear imte to shreds

Tell me if the ending is hollow or cheap
And tell me if the cast needs to get more sleep
And tell me if you think the main character is too much like me
Track Name: Smokes & Cuts
I've always put too much stock in photographs
I find sometimes they affect me even more than if I'm actually there
Days pass in school sitting in bathroom stalls
People in parking lots outside of malls
And I'm not there at all

And everybody's got their little smokes and cuts that they have got to deal with
But I've got to learn those aren't my burdens to bear
It's so very hard when it's people that you love and care about
But sometimes you have to do the selfish thing and withdraw

I've always put too much stock in my opinions
Somehow if there is something I can say, I assume that it should be said
It took me a while but then I started to realise
I can't hold all of these feelings inside my head
I distance myself instead

And everybody's got their little smokes and cuts that they have got to deal with
But I've got to learn those aren't my burdens to bear
It's so very hard when it's people that you love and care about
But sometimes you have to do the selfish thing and withdraw

So why should I care about other people's lives?
They shouldn't interest me at all
Oh, why do I care about other people's lives?
I have for as long as I recall
So why should I care about other people's lives?
They shouldn't interest me at all
Oh, why do I care about other people's lives?
I have for as long as I recall
I have for as long as I recall
I have for as long as I recall

And everybody's got their little smokes and cuts that they have got to deal with
But I've got to learn those aren't my burdens to bear
It's so very hard when it's people that you love and care about
But sometimes you have to do the selfish thing and withdraw
Track Name: Siberia
My city is a lovely city, and I know it's a great place to live
Yet after so many years, it shouldn't be a surprise that I'm tired of it
I wanna lie to all my friends and family—move myself out of the country
Get up one day and walk out of town as far as I can go

That's it—I'm done
I'm moving to Siberia
And you won't see me anymore
Don't pretend that you care
If I were you, I wouldn't waste my breath
I won't hear what you have to say
Anyway, anyway

I know you'll say I'm not prepared, I know you'll say that I won't know what to do
I'll have you know that that couldn't be further from the truth
I'm learning русский язык, спасибо и до свиданя, я не буду вас видеть
I'm packing rations, packing jackets, and I sure as hell won't get wet

That's it—I'm done
I'm moving to Siberia
And you won't see me anymore
Don't pretend that you care
If I were you, I wouldn't waste my breath
I won't hear what you have to say
Anyway, anyway

That's it—I'm done
I'm moving to Siberia
Track Name: Busy Just Existing
I live my life
Time goes by
I'm ticking down the clock
Until I die
I move on
I'm always moving on
I find it hard to hold on
To things before they're gone

You live your life, and I'll do mine
I'm busy just existing, I'm busy just existing

We live our lives
Those passing sighs
We're traipsing down through time
And there's no why
We proceed
We always have the need
We lead ourselves to we
But there's no place for me

You live your life, and I'll do mine
I'm busy just existing, I'm busy just existing

And I know that you would wish the best for me
 (and I know you would wish the best)
And I know that you would want me to be happy
 (and I know you would lift me up)
And I know that you can't see that I'm just treading water
 (I'm just floating in the sea)
And I know that you can't help but make me feel much smaller

But I ask of you:
Please live your life, and I'll focus on mine

I'm busy just existing, I'm busy just existing
I'm busy just existing, I'm busy just existing
 (I'm busy living my life)
Track Name: Vertical
I play the part of the tortured artist so well
That I don't know where my heart is
Yeah, I checked under the bed
And I don't know which me is fake
I don't know if I've got an expiration date
Like I'm a carton of eggs
 (a gallon of milk, baby, don't you let me spoil)

And I tend to forget it
And I tend to let my guard down
And I let it get to me
It always gets to me
I only cried at the Skype chat once or twice
And I didn't say anything
I just got between both my sheets and I sobbed
 (it wasn't even me they were after)

I love when I'm made to smile
'Cause even if there's nothing good in this world
It helps just to be upright, vertical
I love when I'm made to smile
'Cause even if there's nothing good in this world
It helps just to be upright, vertical
Upright, vertical
Upright, vertical
Upright, vertical

You're throwing up food in the yard
You just don't know where to start
Especially if you can't hold it down, oh-whoah
I like to take other people's struggles and make them my own
Wrap them up in a bow and present them in a song
And hope they don't notice when they hear it

I talk a lot about ideal concepts
For somebody who would say that they are not that

I keep on talking 'til I run out of punchlines
When I say that maybe my body will end face down in a ditch
A little bitch is what I am, I'm damned to mediocrity and flailing helpless by myself
No, I'm not going to sleep with you
I mean, I wouldn't have sex with you either
But I'd also rather if we slept in different beds, if that's okay
 (yeah, I wouldn't be too fond of me either)

I love when I'm made to smile
'Cause even if there's nothing good in this world
It helps just to be upright, vertical
I love when I'm made to smile
'Cause even if there's nothing good in this world
It helps just to be upright, vertical
Upright, vertical
Upright, vertical
Upright, vertical

I play the part of the tortured artist so well
That I don't know where my heart is
Yeah, I checked inside my chest
Track Name: Jupiter
Take me with you when you leave
You're off t(w)o lands beyond, and I'm left bittersweet
Tell me how's the atmosphere
When you look down to Earth, remember me down here

I don't think that I'll have any sympathy
When you're swallowed up by her gravity
Her embrace is your grave plot
But by then you'll be long gone
I think in all that time I will have to have let you go

In a thousand years, they will find what's left
I'd say a few pieces of metal, if I had to hazard a guess
Time goes by like it's worthless
I just think of our last kiss
If in all those years, I'm here, I'd probably just sit there and watch

But I'm still jealous of you and her
What do I lack that's had by Jupiter?
I remember months ago
I caught you red-faced, looking in your telescope
Track Name: Quietly, Quietly
You, you, you
I know you're somewhere out there, doing what you do
Me, me, why's it have to be
That you hold me up there high among the clouds?

Quietly, quietly you watch me from a distance
Quietly, quietly I watch you from afar

I speak to you and I ask you how you're doing
You tell me things and you ask me these in turn
When I'm around you, I can't help but pour out
My secrets and feelings and thoughts (and hope you won't hate me)

Quietly, quietly you watch me from a distance
Quietly, quietly I watch you from afar
It's better this way, it's better this way we say to ourselves
When we quietly, quietly sit alone

These days I wonder: should I even bother?
You tell me you like me but I really just can't tell
I'm afraid because you say that you're afraid of me
I don't know what's real and what's just in my head

You're such a mystery and that just makes me want to know you more
I know you're talented at the things you like to do and
I wish I could reach out to you and tell you how I feel and
I wish you weren't afraid of me, I wish you thought I weren't as good

Quietly, oh
Quietly, oh

Is it you? As I thought, are you the one that holds me up onto a pedestal and makes me out as someone to look up to?
Or is it me? Do I project my hopes and fantasies onto you such that even in my wildest dreams, you've got no hope to compare?

There's an ocean between us
A fighting wave, current running over
And as I climb up to the shoreline
I quiver where I stand

But I don't even know you
And you don't even know me
And we'll probably never know each other
So I guess this will have to suffice

So I sit here quietly
And you sit there quietly
So we sit here quietly
And alone

Here as I stand in the Western Hemisphere, I wonder what my life could've been like if I were born somewhere else. Could I have known you when we were children? And do you think we could've been friends? Maybe we could've, if given the chance, gotten to know each other and broken out of our shells, I guess. Maybe we could've been happier in the company of each other, even if it didn't, y'know, turn out that way in the end. Or maybe this is our only chance, and the only way to know you is with distance. And maybe that makes the chocolates and the tea that much sweeter. Our lives as perpendicular lines, with only one point of meeting. Or maybe we're parabolas? And if that's the case, and I manage to bend back again, I hope our second intersection will be as beautiful as the first. And I thank you.
Track Name: Comfort
Everyone's stupid, me included
I really need to work on that sometime
But it's too much work to even try
Yes, it's too much work to socialise
Everyone's stupid, you excluded
No, I'm just kidding, I fucking hate you
Or at least I wish I could
Oh God, I really wish I could

I read a fanfic 'bout a serial killer
She was a horse and tortured victims until they died
And I've been thinking 'bout what it would be like
To know your friend had ended others' lives
I've never wanted to kill anyone
Well, there's one person, but I don't think that she really counts
I guess I hate people the more I know them
And this gal's the one I know the best.

I need a little comfort in my life
I wish I had a shoulder to cry on
I wish I could believe I could be loved by somebody that I could stand
I need someone to hold me through the night
But also to keep their distance
I wish I could love someone in a way that made sense

Everyone's stupid, me included
I really need to work on that sometime
But it's too much work to even try
Yes, it's too much work to socialise
Everyone's stupid, you excluded
No, I'm just kidding, I fucking hate you
Or at least I wish I could
Oh God, I really fucking wish I could

I took a picture of myself in the mirror
I don't know why I did it and it wasn't such a bright idea
I just sat and stared at my own image
And I wondered where and when I went wrong
It takes a long time to love yourself
It only takes a minute to hate yourself
And I don't have that much time
So I'll go with which one's expedited

I need a little comfort in my life
I wish I had a shoulder to cry on
I wish I could believe I could be loved by somebody that I could stand
I need someone to hold me through the night
But also to keep their distance
I wish I could love someone in a way that made sense

I'm so stupid, you're so stupid
I don't know how to deal with that
And I don't know how to be myself
And I don't know how to love you still
I'm exhausted, feeling lost and
I never had a home in you
And I don't think there's anyone else out there
No, I don't think there's anyone else out there
Track Name: Asunder
I'm torn asunder and can't help but wonder if you're there
No one to help me, it seems like you've vanished in thin air
I'm torn in two and it's making me blue but the way that I felt wasn't worth all the hurt and now
I'm somewhere else and I don't give a shit whether you'll care

I saved myself from the hell that you turned my life into
Calling me back won't fix things and that's something that you knew
Taking great pains to restrain how I felt didn't do no one favours, at least by my count so let's
Just swear to silence, say there's nothing left for me and you

Here's what you tell me: you say you feel empty without me
You tell me I am something and someone you really need
Maybe you should have thought of consequences before you did things that would push me away and, well
No-one would blame me for leaving you cold and I can't understand why you can't comprehend this and
Even though I don't love you anymore, I still hope you take care and there's no better way than to
Pack up your feelings for me and then set those feelings free

I'm torn asunder and can't help but wonder if you're there
Track Name: I Am Going to Be Happy
I'm making mistakes every day, and I know it
I'm taking my time every day, and I show it
I'm sick and tired of dissatisfaction and ultimate apathy
Not that I'm going to do anything about it but it helps to recognise these things

I'm gonna be happy and present myself anew
Yes, I'm gonna be happy if it's the last thing that I do

I'm not sure if I'm jealous, or maybe I just wish I were
I feel like wanting things like that would just make life easier

I don't wanna take the time from every day to sit around and think about the state of things and how I wanna be in several years from now and what I wanna do in time and how not to be stressed about the little things that always seem to mess me up and I don't wanna have to make decisions 'bout the opportunities and things that have a tendency to pop right up in front of me and I don't have the wherewithal to finish anything that doesn't take more than a couple minutes and I'll admit that

I am gonna be happy
I am gonna be happy
I said I am going to be happy
And you're gonna be happy too

I'm gonna be happy and present myself anew
Yes, I'm gonna be happy if it's the last thing that I do
And I'm gonna be overjoyed when at last I can feel that way
Yes, I'm gonna be happy, and that's all I want to say

I've got five fingers in a fist, moving towards your chest
It's part of a new thing I'm trying where I try to live without any regrets
And I want to leave this town, and I want to live a new life
But the frozen north ain't comfortable; I'd die amongst the ice

I'm always happy for everybody else, and now I'm trying to be happy for myself
And I'll be happy, for oh-so-many days, if I forget that you'll always be far away
And I'm forgetting about all the smokes and cuts, I just need to live my life out in a way I want
And I am pulling you down from outer space, and I am listening to every goddamn word that you say

I'm gonna be happy and present myself anew
Yes, I'm gonna be happy if it's the last thing that I do
And I'm gonna be overjoyed when at last I can feel that way
Yes, I'm gonna be happy, and that's all I want to say
Track Name: Hemispheres
Take me outside
Take me by the hand
I don't know you
But also I don't mind
It's hard not to miss you
It's getting hard to stop caring
Though there's little to hold on to
Because you're never there
No, you're never there

You're halfway across the planet
You're halfway across the globe
You're halfway across the planet
Where you call home

And I'll never be as important
And I'll never be as there
And I'll never be as important
For you to care

Send me postcards
Send me things you love
It's hard to say this
It feels wrong
I feel so empty
Do you feel empty, too?
All we have is emptiness
Between me and you
Collapse me and you

You're halfway across the planet
You're halfway across the globe
You're halfway across the planet
Where you call home

And I'll never be as important
And I'll never be as there
And I'll never be as important
It's hard to care
Track Name: Going On
I'm gonna drown myself in the pastel ocean down in Santa Monica
I'm gonna walk down to the pier and go on the Ferris wheel
I'm gonna wait until it gets to the top and then I'm gonna look over the edge
And somewhere spiralling through vertigo I'll look back up and think about what you said:

"I'm not upset, I'm just tired
I'm gonna go on and I'll wake up and it'll be Monday"