With Distance

by Sometimes the Cat

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about

Badgie always referred to this collection of songs while I was working on it as the 'summer album'—and even as it's almost winter when I'm putting this record out there, somehow that designation feels apt. Some of these songs were written in the wintertime or spring, and others in the summer; most were recorded deep in the throes of summer, leading into early autumn.

This is not just stuff I left off the last one... even though some of it is stuff I left off the last one. But that was for a reason: it dealt with different themes. But now I've sewn these songs together, some new and some old, and I hope you'll enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed making it.

Because I really enjoyed making it.

(And a happy happy birthday to me.)

credits

released November 18, 2017

SOMETIMES THE CAT can barely contain
April Friedman, lending to the songs her vocals, electric & acoustic guitars, bass guitar, ukulele, drums, and now various MIDI programming

all music and lyrics by April, except
RABBITS - introductory sample composed by Justin Luchter from LEGO® Backlot
NOT ESPECIALLY NICE - bassline basically written by "Dictionary Attack guy"
ALCOHOLISM BEGINS AT HOME - title and lyric with reference to the Smiths
13 - end portion with chord progressions by Brett
APPENDIX - lyric with reference to They Might Be Giants' "Don't Let Start"

DEDICATED to
Badgie and Floyd, for listening
j2, for talking
Misago and Autumn, for your eternal support
Noah, for convincing me to use a real music program
Charlie, for being the all-around best human
and all the other people who keep me going

produced, mixed, compiled, and mastered by April
(with assistance from Josh <3)
artwork photographed by April, creator unknown

Dress Dress Dress Recordings
GRR 037

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Sometimes the Cat Eugene, Oregon

Sometimes the cat does what she wishes, but sometimes she doesn't. Either way, Sometimes thinks you should live your love through everyone.

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Track Name: Milk
Every day is a new beginning, sit on your porch and watch the dawn spiral in
I wonder why I'm here and why you see fit to keep me around
And morning comes and with it the birds call out to the breeze as they fly over the neighbourhood
And when you go inside, I know it's time to stop wasting your time

And it was smooth like silk and wet like milk when your hands brushed across my face
And your fingertips slid along my cheeks as they circled 'round the open space
In the grey, grey morning from which I wake
Through the May Day glasses of chardonnay

Through the waning light of the day and all through the afternoon, I watch you
Pacing up and down on the stairs and walking through the hall into the living room
And into the evening you close up the curtains, and lock the door and stay inside
And as you pass by where I sit upon the Chesterfield, I feel your fingers send a shiver down my spine

And it was smooth like silk and wet like milk when your hands moved around inside my clothes
And your fingertips slipped along the straps on my dress to places I don't know
In the fading ghost of the day
In the vague, vague memory of your name

I don't think that you need to say
I don't like myself, I don't like myself
I can't wait 'til I get my chance
To be someone else, to be somewhere else

I like the way that you bring me down, when I thought that I couldn't get lower than this
I love the way I'm pushed to the ground and I can't get up and you leave me with a kiss
In a way I can't remember anything
Yesterday you made a lot of promises
Track Name: Float Like Fishes / Hang Up
I will float like fishes upside down
I will float like children when they're trying not to drown
I will sink with rocks tied to my legs
I will sink down to the bottom 'til I'm pulled away

And I won't come back
No, I won't come back

I will make a run out into the dark
I will make a run for it until I'm out of breath
I've been having trouble opening up
I've been having trouble and I can't say I'm doing everything I can

No, I won't come back
And I won't come back
No, I won't come back
Yeah, I can't come back

I need to address my habits, I guess
I owe it to you to explain them
I don't have a face I can face people with
And I don't want people to hear me
I do my best to hide in assumptions
I crouch down so they can't see me
I don't know how to be myself
I guess I should be content with this

Oh, I know I'm not alone
I know that's just the busy tone
I'm gonna hang up the phone
I'm gonna hang up there, I'm gonna hang from way up there
Oh-ooh-oh, oh-ooh-oh
From way up there
Track Name: Rabbits
It's Thursday when I write this song
It's Friday when you pick up
On Saturday, I'm at my parents' so you're out of luck
On Sunday, you've got church
And I think of sleeping in
And Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and we circle 'round the bend

You want to fuck like rabbits
But I don't know if I'm into you
And I still don't know if that is in the cards
You want to fuck like rabbits
But I'm seven states away
I've never met you, and now I think I never will

We never talk anymore, oh no
I'm afraid of what we've become
I make mistakes like it's my full time job
So maybe this whole thing was just a mistake

You want to fuck like rabbits
But I don't know if I'm into you
And I still don't know if that is in the cards
You want to fuck like rabbits
But I'm seven states away
I've never met you, and now I think I never will

You think you can have it, just cause you want it
I think you've a lot to learn
You pull out all the stops, hop like a rabbit hops
But the dance don't mean you deserve it
Track Name: Link Rot
She's chasing shots of Robitussin with water
She's wasting time, not doing things that she oughta
She can't remember the last time that she had her life together
The drugs won't work right
She's running low on life
And every night when she goes to bed, she don't know if the next day will come

She's just another dead person on the internet
She's just another inactive blog, a list of regrets
She's just another username, a character string, an index
Her writing's on the wall, year after year
The dust is gathering, the links are rotting away
And bit by bit every trace is erased 'til all that's left is a name

She's popping pills that are giving her headaches
She's brushing wrappers aside, slips through the days
She's wondering what time it is and why the light's so bright
There's a fire inside her skull
And she wonders if it could tear a hole
The shiver shiver's whispering, the strings are delicate

She's just another dead person on the internet
She's just another inactive blog, a list of regrets
She's just another username, a character string, an index
Her writing's on the wall, year after year
The dust is gathering, the links are rotting away
And bit by bit every trace is erased 'til all that's left is a name
Track Name: Pretty in Pink
She said I look pretty in pink
Oh, thank you, I said, but I don't think it suits me
I feel so cold inside my veins and pulled back in my head

She said it doesn't matter if I show up today
Nobody will notice and they'll move on without you
It's better just to stay

I can feel the states beneath me
Louisiana at my feet
I can't recognise the pieces
I'm becoming incomplete

I live a lonely life but it's mine and no one can take that away from me
But sometimes I wish they could
Sometimes I know I can't take care of myself

She said the heartache runs
In those bitter lines of blue
I feel so overwrought I don't know what to do

I can feel the weight above me
Crashing down on what's below
I can't recollect the pieces
There is nothing I don't know
Track Name: Saccharine
You're a sweet sugar drip syrup
I can't drink any more or I'll puke
I feel the liquid flowing down my throat
I stand in the bathroom
I look in front of me
I see the face look back out from the mirror
But it doesn't look any clearer

I'm a heartless little motherfucker
I get by on the little things
I spit out gooey drip
I didn't want slip anyhow
Yet I go back for more
This I don't know how to address
I always feel like I'm in a mess

You're too saccharine for anyone to bear
And I'm astonished that I put up with you for so long
I hope you're hurt, I hope you're sad, I want awful things to happen to you
Though you don't deserve it, and I hope you never have to hear this song

You're a light-inducing particle
You float around me in the air
You're up on everything
I try to force myself to care
I end up on the floor
I can't stop me from falling down
And I don't think you need me around

I'm a bitter little pill to swallow
I don't go down without a glass
You're always looking forward
I seem to just dwell on the past
I wait for you to leave me cold
But I guess I'm just what you like
I guess I'd like to ask you why

You're too saccharine for anyone to bear
And I'm astonished that I put up with you for so long
I hope you're hurt, I hope you're sad, I want awful things to happen to you
Though you don't deserve it, and I hope you never have to hear this song

Maybe I'm wrong and this is what is right and
I will just stay silent, accept it 'cause that's what life's about
I don't need anything, I just exist for other people

I'm too cynical for anyone to bear
And I'm astonished that you put up with with for so long
I hope you're hurt, I hope you're sad, I want awful things to happen to you
Though you don't deserve it, and I hope you never have to hear this song
Track Name: It's Not Nothing
I tried to be a nihilist, and then I realised I'm the opposite
I think that everything means something though really I hate it for that
I tried to be a scientist, and then I realised I'm too dumb for that
I'll leave it to folks who know what to do, and I'll fall back down in my place

I'd like to say that I don't care
But if I didn't care, I wouldn't try
I'd like to say that I don't care
But if I didn't care, I wouldn't try

I'm breathing, breathing, I'm a good person
I know how to get through the day without falling on the floor
Without falling on my face
I'm laughing, laughing, I'm a nice person
I know how to get through the day without tearing up
Without tears in my eyes

I'd like to say that I don't care
But if I didn't care, I wouldn't try
(no I wouldn't)
I'd like to say that I don't care
But if I didn't care, I wouldn't try
(no, no
no I wouldn't
swear to god)

I've got feelings, I'm just like you
I'm still here with feelings like you
I've got feelings, I'm just like you
I'm still here with feelings like you
I've got feelings, I'm just like you
I'm still here with feelings like you
I've got feelings, I'm just like you
I'm still here with feelings like you
I've got feelings, I'm just like you
I'm still here with feelings like you
I've got feelings, I'm just like you
I'm still here with feelings like you
I've got feelings, I'm just like you
I'm still here with feelings like you
I've got feelings, I'm just like you
I'm still here with feelings like you
I've got feelings, I'm just like you
I'm still here with feelings like you
Track Name: Not Especially Nice
I can't figure out why, but you act like I'm the greatest person on Earth
My attention means the whole wide world and then some
Guess I shouldn't be complaining but it's not something I know how to deal with
Yeah, I think you're fine and all, but it's clear that you like me more than I like you

I was never there for you
And I have never cared for you
And I'm not especially nice, not especially nice, not especially nice
I was never there for you
And I have never cared for you
And I'm not especially nice, not especially nice, not especially nice

I don't know how to tell you when enough is enough
Sure, I like to be with you but you tend to lure me in
Now I've found it's easier to not engage you at all
I'm hoping that you'll find someone better than me, someone you deserve

I was never there for you
And I have never cared for you
And I'm not especially nice, not especially nice, not especially nice
I was never there for you
And I have never cared for you
And I'm not especially nice, not especially nice, not especially nice

Though I wish I had the wherewithal
To be there for you and to give my all
And hold you and love you and kiss you and hug you and see you and need you and stay by your side
But we both know that that's not me

I was never there for you
And I have never cared for you
And I'm not especially nice, not especially nice, not especially nice
I was never there for you
And I have never cared for you
And I'm not especially nice, not especially nice, not especially nice

I was never there for you
And I have never cared for you
And I'm not especially nice, not especially nice, not especially nice
I was never there for you
And I have never cared for you
And I'm not especially nice, not especially nice, not especially nice
Track Name: Alcoholism Begins at Home
I'm glad you're having me over
It's been so long since we've talked
The days and weeks have been passing me by
And I've holed up alone in my house

It's dark and cold this evening
And inside we sit by the fire
The record player's on, and the needle is pressing
Past dust on your copy of Louder Than Bombs

And we sing Smiths songs the whole night long
'Til neither of us know the words
'Til we fall to the floor and the clock hits the hour
We both know I should've gone home

'Cause home is where the hearth is
And bottles line the hearth
Home is where the heartbreak is
'Cause heartbreak comes so easily

Morrissey's voice is like yours
Well, no, it's not, but you duet so sweetly
"Panic" in the streets of "London", you say
But "Asleep" is where I'd rather be

Then you stand up and pull at my arms
Say I've got to get up from the couch
I want to say that I'd like nothing more than to dance
But the words die inside of my mouth

And we sing Smiths songs the whole night long
'Til neither of us know the words
'Til we fall to the floor and the clock hits the hour
We both know I should've gone home

'Cause home is where the hearth is
And bottles line the hearth
Home is where the heartbreak is
'Cause heartbreak comes so easily

Not another drop, yeah, you've got to stop
You implore as you try to go on
I say, "I'm done," when we finish off the bottle
But then you glance back to the shelf

And we sing Smiths songs the whole night long
'Til neither of us know the words
'Til we fall to the floor and the clock hits the hour
We both know I should've gone home

And then we get drunk
And then we get drunk
And then we get drunk
And then we get drunk
And then we get drunk
And then we get drunk
And then we get drunk
And then we get drunk
And then we get drunk
And then we get drunk
And then we get drunk
Track Name: When You Go
I'm walking up to the stairs
Unlock the door and I slip inside
The living room is barren
And the air is cold as ice

The house is empty
And I don't know when you're coming home
You left so early
And I really wish you'd left a note
(please leave a note, babe)

And I never meant for this to happen
And I never meant for you to know, oh
I'm hoping and I'm praying
Hear the words I'm saying
Darling, tell me when you go

I'm stepping through the kitchen
And I end up in the hall
And I'm faced with the empty space
Where the pictures hung on the wall

The house is empty
And I know you're not coming home
You left so easily
And I'm glad you didn't leave a note
(yeah, I'm glad, babe)

And I hoped that this would never happen
And I wanted you to never know, oh
I'm begging and I'm pleading
Down upon my knees, I'm asking
Darling, tell me when you go

And I never wanted this to happen
And you never ever should have known, oh
I'd tell you that I'm sorry
But I know you won't hear me
So darling, tell me when you go

And I know this never should have happened
And you should have been the first to know, oh
Tell me you won't come back
I think I need to hear that
So darling, tell me when you go
I'm busy just existing
And you're the one I'm missing
So darling, tell me when you go
Track Name: Meth
I'd do anything to just get out my mind
I would run the numbers down, now
I'd do anything if it just killed me some time
Though I would never live it down, no

But never methamphetamines
I know they'd be the death of me

Oh, like Walter White
Or El Barbas
I don't want to prove those fuckers right
If it matters
I want to stand high above
I want to wear my Sunday best
I'll find the people who care
And I'll shout "fuck the rest!"

I'd do anything to feel like that I've died
Short of, you know (ǁ), actually doing it
I'd do anything and I'll tell any lie
'Cause if I say it enough then I might just start to believe it
I'll do anything to make me feel I'm fine
Though I know it, though I know it, though I know it won't make things right

But never methamphetamines
I know they'd be the death of me

Oh, like Walter White
A schoolteacher
Though I got bored watching the second episode
It felt pointless
And I'm tired
And I'm weary
And I can't sleep
So where's that leave me?
Track Name: Million Different Ways
Deary diary, have I given up yet?
How much time do I have left?
She loves me; she loves me not
Does it matter in the end?

I've got a million different ways to live my life
I've got a million different ways I could be right

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways
Circle gets the square, night turns to day
Once more with feeling before I stop
And go, and go, and go

I've got a million different ways to live my life
I've got a million different ways I could be right
I've got a million different ways to waste my time
And there's a million others waiting in line

I'm a wreck, you know I'm a mess
Held together by some string and tape
Overreaching, underachieving
It's no wonder, it's no wonder

I've got a million different ways to live my life
I've got a million different ways I could be right
I've got a million different ways to waste my time
And there's a million others waiting in line

There's a million different days between our lives
There's a million different ways you could be right
There's a million different rays of shining light
And there's a million other ways to die
Track Name: 13
I can't sleep anymore
I lie in bed, the lights are off and darkness sinks between my toes
Yet I dream other lives
People who I'll never know are burning in the back of my mind
I can't tell what's real or fake, I'm feeling like it's make or break
And right now I'm just breaking and buying it
Everything is passing by, the clock is ticking out of time
And I'm losing sense of where I was headed

It's six o'clock in the morning and I can't remember sleeping
And as a human being I feel like I'm rotting away
It's ten o'clock in the morning and time peels back like an onion
And I'm finding other people's all that's left

I can't sleep anymore
Not that I used to sleep, but you know I guess I thought that I had something
I can't feel anymore
I took everyone I knew and put them in one place and then I shut them out
I can't sing anymore
I've reduced down to three chords and simple words repeated over in choruses
I can't lie anymore
But I still can't tell the truth so I'll shut up

It's five o'clock in the evening and my day amounts to nothing
And I watched it get to this place
It's ten o'clock in the night time and it all feels the same
And I guess that has to be okay

And I know that I'm really not the person I appear to be
I flash a smile and say it's all okay
But hopefully people will see I'm not a paragon of honesty
And hopefully you'll realise how fucked up I am
Track Name: Painted Up Like Pigeons
I've been painted up like pigeons on your bedroom wall
I'll hide underneath the blankets heaped along the hall
Now asleep I reach up through feather dreams

I feel warm and safe, wrapped around, enveloped tight
I've got nothing I'd like more than to stay the night
Darkness sinks into space 'twixt me and you

Life traipses in through the door, afloat on her feet as if spinning on ice
She pulls the books from the shelves, thrown down to the ground as she tries to entice
I don't know what to do, I still remember you

I've been painted up like pigeons on your bedroom wall
I'll hide in between your sheets until the clock bird's call
Under navy blue, I don't know about you

But I feel alright, and I haven't been alright in a long time
You make me feel okay, and it's been so long since I've felt that way
And everything's fine, and I'm yours and I'd say you're mine
Until we wake up again
Track Name: Appendix
Smoke billows below, it's stop-and-go traffic
All down the roadway, into the neighbourhood
Day after day and year after year
But nothing changes
I live alone in a bungalow
Go past the park and leave behind the condos
House after house and street after street
We have to make ends meet

And though everybody dies frustrated and sad
You're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful
And though everybody dies cold and alone
You're powerful, you're powerful, you're powerful, you're powerful
And though you've come up to the end of the sidewalk
Go on, move on, go by, say bye-bye
And date and sign the paper

I'm living tired, over up and under
Moon overhead, glow down on asunder
Life pouring through the glassy wall
I've never felt so tall
I'm holding on 'til the credits are done
I'd like to get all I can for my dime
Name after name and role after role
I can't have known them all

And though everybody dies frustrated and sad
You're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful
And though everybody dies cold and alone
You're powerful, you're powerful, you're powerful, you're powerful
And though you've come up to the end of the sidewalk
Go on, move on, go by, say bye-bye
And date and sign the paper

Smoke billows, I walk into oncoming traffic
Over the asphalt, into the roundabout
Cars circle 'round like buzzards and vultures
I lie down on the cement

I'm living life with what I've got
I'm trying to be someone I'm not
All of the notes are falling into the wrong key